Was Tom Ridge right? Is duct tape the secret weapon that could very well tip the scales in this "War on Terror"? The AP is reporting that the Iraqi unmanned drone that our Happy Junta was almost gleefully talking up over the past couple weeks on all of the American news networks turns out to be comprised primarily of balsa wood and duct tape, and has an effective operational range of about five miles, provided its remote operators don't lose sight of it. Oh, yeah, and it's not designed to carry weapons of mass destruction, but intended for reconaissance and radio jamming. Our side even got its wingspan wrong by a 50% margin. This is a far cry from the instrument of horror that was being portrayed by Bush's inner circle, which was described as something could fly halfway around the world undetected and kill millions of unsuspecting American men, women, and children (and their pets, my God, think of the pets!) in their sleep with its deadly cargo of smallpox, anthrax, or Tesla. Oops. I guess we'll have to go back to "promoting democracy" as our rationale du jour for war against Iraq, until some other wild speculation about Saddam's doomsday weapons pans out, although the more weapons inspectors case the country, the fewer opportunities the Pentagon is going to have to make shit up. But no matter how much these revelations undermine the credibility of certain Bush administration members, the Iraqis' inventive and insidious use of duct tape in part vindicates our Homeland Security chief Tom Ridge, who was roundly criticized for his exhortation to the American public to go out and stock up on duct tape. Little did we know what sinister schemes Saddam Hussein was dreaming up for his already-purchased stockpile...

Spread the word. Tom Ridge was right. There now exists a "Duct Tape Gap", and from the sounds of it we're already way behind the Butcher of Baghdad. So get your ass to Home Depot and start another episode of panic buying - every roll of duct tape that remains on the shelves might as well be a weapon of mass destruction in the hands of Saddam Hussein. Why are you still reading this? Go! For God's sake, think of the pets!