WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The cafeteria menus in the three House office buildings will change the name of "french fries" to "freedom fries," a culinary rebuke of France, stemming from anger over the country's refusal to support the U.S. position on Iraq.

Ditto for "french toast," which will be known as "freedom toast."

The name changes were spearheaded by two Republican lawmakers who held a news conference Tuesday to make the name changes official on the menus.


What a great idea! But why stop with the French?

1. To retaliate against the Chinese, no more take-out will be delivered to House office buildings.

2. German potato salad will be replaced with its more American counterpart, the one with all the mayonnaise - er, "Freedom Sauce"

3. House chefs will no longer make the popular roll-up sandwiches with Syrian bread, but slices of Wonder Bread mashed flat.

4. Vodka, that most Russian of liquors, will now be known as "The Spirit of '76"

That takes care of the current naysaying members on the Security Council. I hope you're paying attention, Mexico - it would be a shame if we had to rename salsa to "Liberty Ketchup", wouldn't it now?

(And if Turkey doesn't come around and let our troops in, well then come next Thanksgiving they'll be sorry as well!)