The Red Sox play their first Spring Training exhibition game tonight at 7 o'clock against the Minnesota Twins, who surprised everyone last year (including Commission Bud Selig, who had been scheming to eliminate the team) by capturing the American League Central division by a thirteen game margin and then going on to eliminate the favored Oakland A's from postseason contention before being knocked out themselves by the destined World Series winners, the Anaheim Angels, and their now-famous Rally Monkey. Oh, no. We here at the Jersey Exile haven't forgotten the Rally Monkey! I hope the Sox spent some time during the offseason trying to conjure up their own "rally" mascot - how about a bonafide Rally Monster, instead of Wally, the emaciated Phillie Phanatic rip-off - because they sure as hell didn't go out and hire the pitching they needed to field a winning team this year, but rather chose to plug up their defensive holes with more offense, as they've done pretty much every year since hiring Pedro Martinez back in 1998. If the New York Yankees learned anything from their disappointing 2002 playoff performance, it's that dingers alone won't carry the day. That's why owner George Steinbrenner went out and bought two full rotations of starters over the winter, both for his own benefit and to everyone else's disadvantage (The Onion makes a damned good funny about this); and that's why the Yankees front office have been working overtime to stymie our every attempt to land a decent hurler here in Beantown. And true to form, New England Yankee cheapness has kept the folks at Yawkey Way from responding to New York Yankee extravagance, despite the fact that the Sox have changed owners only a year ago, and despite the fact that Red Sox Nation already pays the highest ticket prices in the league and would no doubt endure even higher costs to acquire another ace or two on the mound, if it meant seeing the Bambino's Curse vanquished once and for all. But that's just one Sox fan's opinion.

Hey, speaking of the Phillie Phanatic, it seems he had a run-in with the White House back in 2001:

Don't put president's head in your mouth

White House aides tone down the Phillie Phanatic

What do you get when you mix a humorless White House aide
with a fat, manic, green furry mascot?

Some tense moments, particularly when the Phillie Phanatic
began dancing with the Greater Exodus Baptist Church choir
on the church steps during President Bush's visit on July 4.

"They wanted the Phanatic to stay in one place, which the
Phanatic, who is hyper, has a hard time doing," said Mike
Alexander, a source close to his greenness.

The aide walked over to the Phanatic and said, "Hey, don't
pull any s---."

The aide was probably nervous since, as he told the Phanatic
earlier, another mascot had once put President Bush's head
in his mouth.

"We don't want this happening again," scolded the aide.

The Phanatic explained that it was anatomically impossible
for him to swallow the president's head, although giving him
15 inches of tongue was another matter.

When they did meet, the Phanatic bowed, kissed and hugged
Bush. In deference to the humorless aide, the Phanatic did
not pull his Phillies shirt over the president's head.

How did the Phanatic wind up there in the first place? The
White House called baseball commissioner Bud Selig to ask
for a baseball presence at the July 4 event. Selig's office
called the Phillies and suggested the Phanatic.


Good thing this wasn't after September 11th, or else the Phanatic may have ended up in Guantanamo Bay for pulling any funny business. I hear they just love beisbol down in Cuba...